After a seven year gap of no tiny grandbabies to care for I now find myself immersed in the bliss of a new grandson. He is sturdy. He is happy. He is delightful. He is a breeze to care for on the one day a week that I watch him while mommy works.
But he is a bit of a human fountain and I have an age induced tendency to forget that fact while changing his diaper. His mom even provides “pee pee teepees” for such tasks. And of course, I think of using them too late.
No biggie. He seems to enjoy my surprised reactions. All he has to do is smile and laugh and I temporarily forget that I’ve been sprayed with warm urine. (Ewwwww)
A few years ago, long before this baby boy was born, his older brother (age 2 at the time) had his first long visit with sleepover at my house. Our two older grandchildren were included and it was great fun. For whatever reason grandpa was absent on this visit so it was just me and the three grands, age 7, 5 and 2.
No matter how fun grandchildren can be, there is an enormous amount of exhaustion involved for us grandparents. I think it’s caused by the fact that we have to remain so alert. No nodding off. Keep the kiddoes entertained.
So by evening bath time this old grandma decided to take the easy way out. I have a big whirlpool tub in our master bathroom. Put ’em all in there together. Leave the jets off so the littlest guy doesn’t freak out. Boom. Such a time saver. Quickly we can be snuggled together, all four of us, in my big king sized bed.
The kids were excited for such an adventure and eagerly climbed into the tub. I promised them the jets would remain off, no worries about Little J screaming in terror.
All was well for less than one minute at which point the little guy pooped in the tub. Never in my life have I seen my two oldest grandkids move so quickly. If rapidly jumping from the inside of a large tub of water onto the floor was an Olympic event they’d get the gold. I lifted the little guy out of the water and then ran to the kitchen to grab the first thing I could find to fish out the poop, which turned out to be a bent up old tea strainer thing with a handle.
Don’t judge me….I believe that there’s really no established protocol for the best way to remove feces from a tub of water. Not that I actually googled it or looked for you-tube videos for instruction. Perhaps I should have.
The kids stood by the tub, wrapped in towels and wide-eyed while I pondered exactly how to use the old tea strainer in my hand to get that poop out of my big tub. Finally I determined that if I stretched my short body across the wide triangular portion of the tub it would be possible to reach most of the floating feces, which unfortunately had all accumulated in that far corner portion.
The kids were silent, probably a bit frightened, as I leaned way over the tub. The handle on the bent up tea strainer turned out to be not nearly long enough, requiring me to kind of drape my body above the water and stretch out as far as possible while my knees were propped up on the tub ledge. Yes, I realize that’s QUITE the visual. And I apologize.
In the process of all the stretching, reaching, and balancing on the tub’s edge, something horrible happened. I unexpectedly hit the switch on the tub ledge that turned on the whirlpool jets. The water level was barely above the jets which caused a pretty powerful water-spout effect.
Poop flew. A bonafide pooptastrophe ensued.
Of course I quickly hit the off switch on the jets. Well, with as much speed as a woman my age can accomplish. Rather sloth-like reflexes anymore.
To clarify, none of us were struck by flying poop. Nor was the ceiling affected.
What did we do next? We laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Little J has no recollection of this event. Nick and Tessa and I will NEVER forget the night that poop flew.
And. If you come to my house I may offer you tea. Rest easy. The bent up tea strainer has been disposed of.