Broken? Beyond repair?……not so fast my friend.

Are you one who gets excited to fix broken stuff? Can you part with items that simply do not function anymore? Some folks really find joy in diagnosing and fixing up and repairing….and then there’s me. I once declared our dishwasher as a goner and insisted that it simply could not be fixed. My husband tried to trouble shoot it but alas, all attempts to make it function failed. Bought a new fancy high dollar dishwasher, installed it, pretty impressed with its shiny new features, turned it on. Uh, it wouldn’t turn on. Tried this, tried that, looked at each other, shook heads and exchanged unpleasantries.

The end result? It was simply a power issue. DeWayne had checked breakers, but everything seemed okay in the kitchen. In a last resort attempt he returned to the breaker box to discover that one of the breakers was non-functional. Replace that breaker, and like magic all was well.

Perhaps we gave up too soon. It’s easy to do, isn’t it?

There are other situations in our lives that cause a lot more pain than broken “stuff”. The worst, most painful, being broken people. Broken family, broken children.

My niece was born when I was 5 years old. She was more of a sister to me in the early years, living next door to us for a few years. Mary was gorgeous, so intelligent, sang with a voice so pure and lovely. I was her pianist and the best times we had were making music. She was kind of legendary in our little hometown where everyone wanted to hear her sing.

When Mary was 17 she left home. Drugs claimed her soul. She was in and out of the lives of her two children and the rest of her family who loved her so much. Sometimes we didn’t know her whereabouts for months on end.

We couldn’t really “find” her, even during the brief times when she was back with us. Treatment attempts happened and there were times she was clean and sober for many months. Those were treasured times of hope. Treasured, and brief.

Mary had a gift of loving older people and her times of employment always involved caring for the elderly. Those folks cherished her care and she was loved. She was a truly kind person.

As the years went on her brokenness spread to every one who loved her. It’s hard for me to describe just how helpless and shattered we felt as we simply could not reach her. Help her. Fix her. Did we give up? I want to say we didn’t, but truthfully we really had to detach and distance and let her go to a certain extent. Do you know what I’m talking about? Addiction seeks to destroy everyone in its path. God gave us grace to detach and not become collateral casualties.

Did we stop loving her? Absolutely not. Did we stop praying for her? Absolutely not.

Did God give up on her?

Many years passed, and she did start communicating more with her mom, my sister. Mary experienced some serious health complications which resulted in an extended ICU stay  in Colorado. She left the hospital with a heart that was not functioning fully, requiring a pacemaker, internal defibrillator and heart meds. Her body was pretty frail and broken, but she was alive. She was alive.

Around the time she was turning 60 years old, she called her mom. “I need to come home. I can’t stay clean here in Colorado.”

That was five years ago. She did come home. She returned to her hometown and had an actual address in her own apartment.

Her elderly frail parents embraced her, killed the fattened calf, welcomed her with open arms. She was faithful to visit them and care for them as they needed help. Drugs tried to claim her, but they failed to change her loving nature. Jesus became real to her again. Jesus redeemed her. It’s what he does.

Do the math. Age 17 to age 60 as a broken lost drug addict. 43 years. Forty-three years.

In one of the last conversations I had with Mary, we hugged each other warmly and I told her how thankful I was for her return. I told her that I was so thankful for a second chance and I wanted to love her better this time.

Did you notice the word “last” in that paragraph? After five years of being home and restoring her relationship with her family and God, her heart failed. She passed away a few days before her 65th birthday.

We had a family gathering to honor Mary, and share memories. Her siblings spoke through tears. Her brother David’s words were particularly touching. Nothing was as meaningful as the words of her daughter Abbi, who said that she had forgiven her mom long ago. But during the last five years she was able to drop the anger towards her mom. Abbi was by her side when she passed, and had really attended to her mom’s needs. Do I believe in miracles? Yes indeed, oh yes indeed.

So back to an earlier question: Did God give up on her? He was bombarded by our anguished prayers and tears. At times it seemed like He had given up.

But: When it seems like there is nothing happening, and nothing we can do, it DOES NOT MEAN THAT NOTHING IS BEING DONE!! We have a Savior who is working on our behalf. Always. Even when we can’t see it, He’s working, even when we can’t feel it, He’s working. He never stops working.

The reason I’m sharing this is to testify about how God brought our prodigal home. And “home” is heaven. I’m so thankful that he allowed us to have her back with us on her way “home.”

Jesus is the answer. Speak his name over your prodigal. His name is power, healing, life.

Don’t give up. Not so fast, friend.

“And the enemy thought he had me but Jesus said YOU ARE MINE!” (Song Lyrics from “Back to Life”…..thanks to my daughter Jolie for sharing)

Top photo includes her brother and two sisters. And, her son Jason is the one in the red t-shirt. Please pray for that young man. Please. Mary and her daughter are pictured, just a few weeks before Mary’s passing. And the lovely young woman is Mary. ♥️

*****I had permission from family members to share this story. 💔❤️

Stroll or scroll?

Last evening around 9p I went for a walk. It had been a routine hot summer day in Kansas but my legs told me, “get up, woman, and take a walk”. It’s just so easy to fall into a habit of sitting with cellphone in hand, scrolling through news clips and social media, fogging the old brain with far less than uplifting content.

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Little People and Toy Boats

Little people. And toy boats. On the ledge of our bathroom’s whirlpool tub. Does this scene bring a tear to your eye? Likely not. I mean, usually I stay calm and tear free when I see them….unless I’m fixing to clean that tub. Then growls, tears, sighs all indicate my distaste for cleaning.

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Mad Skillz? Nah…??

Our retired life plans involved RV life and travel. The opportunity to combine that with volunteer work at various faith based organizations across the country presented itself shortly after retirement. And it seemed like the perfect fit.

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What YOU lookin’ at anyway?

Well today I had a little flashback as I was doing my morning face routine in the mirror.

Do you happen to recall your very least favorite song when you were a teenager? The mirror reminded me today. “At Seventeen”. Are you familiar with the song?

I learned the truth at seventeen that love was made for beauty queens…..

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Need to Know Basis

The new year, 2022, came right on in the door and sat down. Looking suspiciously similar to the past two years. I feel certain that I’m not the only person on the planet who is done with the pandemic. Every news clip on COVID, vaccines, deaths, hospitalizations? I just can’t anymore. Not that I don’t care. That’s not it at all. I do care. The numbers, the news, the pictures, the personal stories really break my heart.

This morning when I woke up my mind was filled with an intensely awful memory from when I was around 5 years old. Involving a life altering event to my parents and sisters and myself. You won’t get details, but the effects of that event were permanent and sad. Anyway, as this flash of memory hit my brain waves I sensed God asking me “Can you be thankful even though….?” What a difficult thing to ponder. Especially at 5 in the morning. I couldn’t answer right away.

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Gifts and Givers

In your own experience, who has historically been the parent most likely to shop for and/or create all the gifts given in your family? For me it was my mother. As a result, I really don’t remember many details about the gifts she gave me. Except that she generously gave to her children. So many gifts over the years. And so much of herself.

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Walls, foundations and bucket lists

We like to travel. Actually, we love to travel. I was born with the “let’s go” gene. And I believe the hubby was, too. So, we have done a lot of traveling when possible. Life has put a bit of a cramp in that plan, but still, we travel.

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Speaking silently

What speaks to your soul? For me, it’s almost always the wonders of God’s creation. We travel a lot to beautiful mountains, lakes, oceans, and so on. But sometimes the wonders of creation are in my own backyard.

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A moment in time

I had a “moment” the other day. It all started when I saw my hairbrush while getting ready for the day. It was full of gray hair. FULL of gray hair. And in that moment, I “saw” my mom. Of course when my eyes lifted to look in the mirror, there she was again.

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Is there really no place like home?

We were driving through the Flint Hills of Kansas yesterday. Isn’t it beautiful?

Maybe you do this too……read on.

There are homes in this picture. You can’t see them well from this view but I assure you they are there. We drove down several lovely country roads while driving to and from this location. The views were just stunning, I’m not exaggerating. And as usual, I love seeing the homes on these acreages. On absolutely serene looking acreages that just scream “Perfect Life”. Do you know what I’m talking about? I look at these homes and think how awesome it would be to live there.

So….do you dream and imagine and envy a bit on drives like this? Like I do?

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The Eyes Have It

Again, I have been given the opportunity to reminisce about my mother. Several days ago I had cataract surgery. Soon I will have cataract surgery on my other eye. Just a short appointment, quick recovery, and voila, good eyesight. Maybe even no prescription eye glasses needed once my other eye is done. Just that simple.

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Dear Younger Me

My breath was taken away and tears came to my eyes. Not gonna lie, they even rolled down my cheeks.

A friend of mine shared a photo with me. She’d found it in an old yearbook of her mom’s.

Me. Age fifteen. The one school picture that never made it to a frame on the top of the piano with the other pictures of me and my sisters. I had totally forgotten about this particular photograph. I doubt there are prints of it anywhere, except of course the old yearbook.

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Young. And Old. And Future.

Sixty three years ago on this day, my 15 year old sister loaded up my pregnant mom and my two other sisters in our old car and drove to the hospital 25 miles from home.  My sister’s skills included driving a tractor and she could drive a car, too.    Dad was working, driving a road maintainer for the county. Probably far out in the country on a dirt road and there weren’t cell phones in that day.  He was probably clueless that the whole hospital thing was happening.  I don’t think I was quite due to be born yet. The first and last time I was early for anything.  Continue reading “Young. And Old. And Future.”

To Hear Him Sing

Music.  It’s really everywhere around us.  Radio.  You tube.  Movies aren’t movies unless there is a soundtrack.  TV advertisements couldn’t exist without a catchy tune.  Elevators, subway stations, restaurants….. we are surrounded with song.  Continue reading “To Hear Him Sing”

Remedies and Remedy

Did your mom have her list of go-to remedies for every malady you might experience?  I’m thinking your answer is probably “yes”.  My mom sure did.  

Milk of Magnesia would cure everything.  Tummy ache?  Take some milk of magnesia.  Tired and worn out?  Take some milk of magnesia.  Ingrown toenail?  Same remedy….. well yeah that might be an exaggeration.   Continue reading “Remedies and Remedy”