While you wait on the Doorkeeper

Do you like to wait?  When we go to restaurants and see more than 10 people in line generally we turn right back around and leave.  That’s how much we like to wait.  Once in south Wichita I was stuck in my car waiting on a train, and it turned into a 45 minute wait.  Then I learned this was the norm for that particular area! I just can’t think of anything I really enjoy waiting for.  Not food, not trains, not telephone calls on hold.  I could go on and on.

But some of the very best things in life require waiting.

Both of my daughters and their husbands were  very eager to become parents. But parenthood isn’t a quick process for every couple.   Between both couples there were eleven years total for me in that stressful waiting room.    With prayerful consideration, adoption was the route they both chose to take.  For both of them, it was a roller coaster of emotions.  Lots of “why” and “hurry up” type prayers. While you wait.  And wait and wait.  I found myself trying to cheer them on from the spectator section. Often it felt like I was right there with them on that wild roller coaster ride. The excitement of our first grandson’s adoption was indescribable.  But the roller coaster continued to operate for my youngest.

One particular morning during our youngest daughter’s wait to adopt, I had a meltdown of epic proportions and found myself sobbing and crying out to God, begging Him to please make my girl a mommy.  Seeing her pain was breaking my heart.   I cried out to God, telling Him that I seriously did not think I would survive if she wasn’t able to be a mother. Her heart was breaking.  My mom heart was breaking.    I cried aloud to Him that I trusted Him as much as I possibly could, but my faith was weak.

Mainly, I just cried.  And cried.  Sobbing to the point I wasn’t sure I could stop.

In an attempt to just get a grip and stop weeping, I opened my devotional book for the day.  It was a healthy living/diet type book with scriptural content.  Surely that would distract me from my despair and stop the waterworks.  A total change of subject to change my focus was what I needed.  Words on dieting and exercise should do the trick, I hoped.

I opened up the devotional book to that day’s message on food and exercise and this is what I read:
The scripture was from Ps 139:13-14.  “…you knit me together in my mother’s womb….” And then the comments for the day:
“Perhaps you are knitting a sweater as you await a grandchild’s birth.  You have not seen his face, but you know he is a boy.  You knit each stitch and pray for your grandson.  You already  love him and know that he will be a delight to his parents…But God is doing much more to prepare.  He is creating this little boy and knitting his cells together in the womb.  He has plans and a purpose for this little life.”   

Well, that stopped my tears.  I had no idea what these words had to do with dieting or a healthy lifestyle, but there was no doubt in my mind Who had intended that I would read them.  I actually looked around the room expecting to see Jesus himself standing by my table, telling me everything was going to be okay.  I couldn’t see Him but HE WAS THERE!!  Yes, He was.  And suddenly I was calm. Composed.  Hopeful.  And I knew I’d received a message from God that He was in control and there would be a baby for my baby girl.  He saw my tears.  He dried my tears.  He held me close.

Feeling more composed I got up to pour myself a glass of water.  Standing there at the sink I looked up to see water running down the outside of the window that is over the sink.  It was February and the outdoor temperature was in the teens.  No snow, no rain, no sleet, just bright sunshine.  I stood there pondering why there would be water running down my window.  I even went outside to see if I could determine the source.  But nothing else was wet.  Everything outside was frozen except that water.  So I went back into my home kind of stunned about what was going on.  You might come up with some scientific reasons or logical explanation.  But the only reason I could think of was that God saw my tears.  And God felt my heartache to the point of tears.  Had I seen the tears of God?  I know that Jesus cried.  He wept deeply over the death of his friend Lazarus.  He cared so deeply that he raised him from the dead.  (John 11: 28-44).  I can’t explain the water on my window, but I know beyond a doubt that the God who created the world and everything in it loves us and hurts when we hurt.

Read on please.  The story gets even better.

A few days later the phone rang.  It was my daughter, telling me that they were meeting their baby boy that very evening.  They brought him  home from the hospital three days later.  He had been in the newborn intensive care unit for three months.  Living in the hospital next door to where I worked, and I had no clue!!  A miracle extreme preemie needing a mommy and daddy.  And a grandma heart just waiting to hug and kiss him.  He was the boy that God was telling me about just a few days earlier.

While we wait….”God is doing much more.”    We can trust the doorkeeper of the waiting room.  He loves us deeply.

I could share a lot more details about the hand of God in regard to this story. So very amazing!!  But I want to leave you with these words of hope that my pastor once shared:

Waiting is never easy
but when there is nothing
you can do, 
it doesn’t mean 
nothing is being done.
God is working for you 
in ways
you cannot see.


Embracing embraces. And the number 28.

Are you a hugger? I wasn’t as a child. It wasn’t our family’s “thing”. That’s okay, I suppose. Pretty sure all you non-huggers are tolerating the COVID-19 restriction policies better than us huggers. Though I’ve grown into being a hugger (with a few limits), during these pandemic days I truly treasure all the human interaction I can get. Smiles (that you can actually see on an unmasked face), hugs, elbow bumps, conversation. Anything, I tell ya. Growl at me even.

Continue reading “Embracing embraces. And the number 28.”

Uncommon sanctuaries

Some children grow up spending most of their leisure time with siblings or cousins or next door neighbor kids.  
I did not.  No siblings even close to my age made me a bit of an only child.  Ditto cousins.  I had a couple very good friends, but play time wasn’t all that frequent. 
My dad was my fishing buddy and my favorite person to spend leisure time with.  But of course time with him was limited because he had that pesky 40+ hour/week job thing going on.  
My mom also had that pesky full time employment scene happening from the time I was eight years old.  

Continue reading “Uncommon sanctuaries”

Do you know? Have you heard?

One of my favorite rooms in our home is an unfinished room in our basement that contains the furnace and hot water heater.  Ductwork is visible through the unfinished walls and ceiling.  A single lightbulb is affixed to a ceiling joist. It’s also our “office” of sorts.  A real cozy place with random pieces of carpet on the cement floor and our grandkids’ artwork taped up here and there.  My husband’s desk and our printer are down there as well as file cabinets full of all manner of stuff that probably has very little significance.  And there are several shelves of books, MANY MANY BOOKS, that we’ve collected over the years.  Continue reading “Do you know? Have you heard?”

Small things

Starting at about age 30 or perhaps a year or two sooner, I began to dream about retirement.   You may relate.  Just looking forward to the day when the alarm clocks stop loudly interfering with our blissful sleep. Forcing us to put on happy faces and head off to work.  Day after day after day. Cruel behavior, those pesky alarm clocks. Continue reading “Small things”